LAWYER JOKES:

The problems with lawyer jokes is that
1. lawyers don't think they're funny and,
2. the rest of us don't think they're jokes!


Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer

1. He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
2. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
3. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
4. He tells you that he has never told a lie.
5. A prison guard is shaving your head.

Q: What do you call a million lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: How do you know if a lawyer is well-hung?
A: When you can't fit your fingers between the rope and his neck.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman Pinscher.

Q: What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.